White Woman

I had always wanted to hook up with a white woman because i had heard something about them that made me extremely curious. They are very adventurous in bed apparently. So when an opportunity presented itself i took it with both hands. Her name was Leslie and she didn’t disappoint. Everyday with her was a learning experience. We did things in bed that i never thought i would do. I didn’t have to suggest anything she seemed to know what I wanted.

It wasn’t all rosy though since some kinky things we did backfired on us. The visitor at the door one time she had handcuffed me to the bed with whipped cream all over turned out to be the best friend and her family. As they were talking, the kids wandered to the bedroom. They screamed when they saw me which brought the grown ups. To say that I was embarrassed is an understatement.

Another time she suggested that I wear her panties to my family get together. It was a turn on for her and she promised to reward me later. I refused at first but she eventually convinced me. I felt safe since only the two of us knew about it. The party was outside and it was a full house. The sun was out, it promised to be a lovely day. I went to help roast meat but the heat got the better of me and I passed out. My uncle, a doctor, checked my vitals and performed first aid. When he loosened my belt and undid the top button of my trouser as is required, my girlfriend’s red panties were clearly visible to all the worried faces around me. I did ultimately wake up and I was alright but I have never fully recovered from that moment of shame. We are still together though.

© james wamathai 2009

My Cheap Phone

Over the years I have lost countless phones. Some of them were stolen and the rest I just misplaced. You see, I’m the forgetful kind so I’d place them somewhere which was usually in a public place and then forget them there. All these phones had one thing in common, they were expensive, and the longest period of time that I managed to keep them was 6 weeks. One day after losing an especially pricey phone I decided to buy an inexpensive one. The reasoning behind this was that should I lose it at least I wouldn’t feel the pinch. To my surprise I kept that phone for more than a year. I eventually got bored with it and gave it away. Believing that my jinx of losing phones was over I bought an expensive phone again. I lost it two weeks later. Predictably I purchased a cheap one and which I still have 6 months later.

© james wamathai 2009

Away

Sometimes I feel like going someplace else
Away from all the problems and pressures
Away from all the haters and back biters
Away from my stressful life

But then it hits me that running isn’t the answer
I resolve to stay and feed off the negative energy
Let it act as a driving force


© james wamathai 2008

Tables Turn

While you are celebrating
They are suffering
While you have it all
They have nothing

While you are up
Remember those who are down
Pray for them, assist them
You shall need their help and prayers
In case the tables turn

© james wamathai 2008

Your Ex

I am not him. I am not your ex
He may be a man like me
But we are two different people


It’s unfortunate that I remind you of him
However, I refuse to pay for his sins
I refuse to be compared to him

It’s sad that he hurt you
It’s sad that he broke your heart
But what has that got to do with me?

I love you and if I’m to stay
We have to come to an understanding
That I shall not carry someone else’s cross

© james wamathai 2008

The Time is Now

Death is sudden and it comes without notice
That person in your life you take for granted
That ex of yours you never patched things up with
That friend you wronged and have never apologized to
Will one day leave this world and maybe by then
You wont have gotten the chance to make things right
The time to act is now before it is too late

© james wamathai 2009

Untitled

He is her number one and she treats him as such
She loves him very much and she is always there for him
He on the other hand treats her like she is a bother
He causes her heartache and pain
He never shows gratitude for the things she does for him
I wish she were mine, i wish it were me she loved like that
I would reciprocate and also treat her like a queen

© james wamathai 2009

Take Your Time

Take your time don’t be in such a rush
It’s not a race you won’t get a prize for finishing first
That hasty lovemaking just doesn’t work
It’s a real turn off in fact
If you don’t change you’ll get none next time
Be patient, take it slow
It will be more enjoyable for you
And most importantly, for her

© james wamathai 2009

Untitled

I enjoy giving it to them. I do it with such passion
Sometimes I do it fast, sometimes I do it slow
Depending on how they want it
They seem to like it because they always come back
As a result my massage parlour is almost always fully booked.

© james wamathai 2009

Disappointed

I told her I was good at it
I told her that I would break her off
I told her that she would enjoy herself immensely
But when D Day came I didn’t perform to expectations
Now she doesn’t want anything to do with me

© james wamathai 2009

Your Car

I like your car
It’s pretty and also has a nice shape
You have kept it in such a good condition
With your permission I would like to drive it
Slowly initially and then increase the speed gradually
In addition, I want to do stunts with it
And try it on different terrains to see how it handles
I have driven your sort of car before and I am good at it
I shall be careful with it, I promise

© james wamathai 2009

If I was a musician

If I was a musician in Kenya I would:

1. Grow dreadlocks with a receding hairline like Nameless
2. Sell out when another better opportunity comes along like Didge.
3. Become successful and gain weight like Nonini.
4. Emigrate to the US like Nyashinsky..
5. Smoke weed and then deny it in interviews like a certain female Mc.
6. Represent my neighbourhood like Juacali.
7. Be controversial like Bamboo
8. Start my music career while in my thirties like Circuite
9. Wear bling and floss like Prezzo
10. Help launch my girlfriend’s career like Mustapha.
11. Use a diss song to make a comeback like Klepto.
12. Be in two music groups and also have a solo career like Wyre.
13. Be a one hit wonder like Meg C.

© james wamathai 2009

When you smile

When you smile,
You become a completely different person
When you smile,
It’s like sunshine after a very dark night
When you smile,
I feel like smiling too

© james wamathai 2009

Neighbour

You are able to support yourself and your family
You own your house and also have a car
You can afford to go on holiday
And even go out every week
Without putting a major dent in your finances
In other words you live well
Your neighbour however, is not so lucky
He can barely make ends meet
He and his family sometimes go without food
He can’t even afford to take his children to school
Shouldn’t you forgo some of your luxuries and help him?

© james wamathai 2009

My Ex

It has been a year since we broke up
But I still miss her
I miss the way she kissed me
I miss the way she made love to me
I even miss our arguments
I have dated two others
But they pale in comparison to her
I think about her all the time
Life without her is colourless and boring
I want her back.

© james wamathai 2009

Hater

You are important to me,
You serve a vital purpose in my life,
If it weren’t for you
I wouldn’t have gotten this far,
I wouldn’t be this grounded

So my dear hater
Continue doing what you do
Continue spreading lies about me
Continue trash talking me

With every negative thing you say
I grow stronger, I become a better person
I need more of your venom
To get ahead, to prosper
So keep on, keep at it


© james wamathai 2009

Where You Are

Today, I don’t feel like working
I don’t feel like talking to or seeing anyone
I don’t feel like doing much of anything
Even the things that normally relax me
Are getting on my nerves

It is you that I want
You that am thinking about
You that I wish was here
You that I want to talk to
You that I want to hold
What I would give to be where you are

© james wamathai

My Bus Stop

I love my bus stop. There are always beautiful women around. Short, tall, dark, light all kinds of women. Just looking at them makes me happy. Sometimes I don’t feel like boarding a matatu and going to work, I feel like standing there all day and looking at all the lovely women instead. Going to my bus stop makes my day and I wish there was a way I could spend more time there.


I hate my bus stop. There are always lecherous men around. Men who stare and make you feel like they are undressing you with their eyes. They really creep me out. I wonder if they have jobs because they never seem to want to go anywhere and they only board a matatu if a majority of women do the same. Going to my bus stop ruins my day and I wish there was a separate bus stop for each gender.

© james wamathai 2009